STARTING OVER IN MIDLIFE ~ WHAT I WISH I KNEW THEN
I’ve felt a need to revisit where I was 8-10 years ago, and look back at how much my life has changed. There are so many women out there who may need a word of encouragement…. women who are starting over, feeling lonely, or wondering if love and marriage could ever be part of their story again.
After a 39-year marriage ended, I never could have imagined what was in store for me. When you’ve spent that many years building a life with someone, starting over can feel enormous. There were moments when I wondered if that chapter of love and marriage was simply over for me. I doubted that anyone would want me, at my age (late 50’s). That idea seems so ridiculous now, but back then it was very real. I wish I could tell that version of myself…. that my life could be so much better, safer, and so much less stressful. But that was all I knew and it actually felt safer to me than leaving a marriage for good.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
One of the biggest things I would tell anyone, is to KNOW what you want before bringing someone new into your life. I knew exactly what I was looking for. I wanted a man I could trust completely, someone with integrity, who was honest, someone who was morally straight, and respected others….. especially his wife and family. I wanted someone who was devoted to God, committed to his family, and who understood the importance of showing up with love, loyalty, and consistency.
Don’t rush because you’re afraid of being alone. And don’t convince yourself something is right simply because you want companionship. Be patient enough to wait for a relationship that feels peaceful and genuine. Of course that’s very easy for me to say now, but so hard to do if you’ve been hurt and betrayed.
KEEP LIVING YOUR LIFE
My other advice? Stay active. Stay curious. Stay engaged with people. Say yes to experiences, friendships, invitations, hobbies, work, travel….. whatever makes you feel alive.
I have a friend I golf with who pretty much raised her family on her own and has supported herself for years. But what impresses me the most about her is the way she has continued to build such a full and interesting life. She never remarried, and hasn’t ever stopped putting herself out there, staying connected, and finding things that bring her joy. One day a week she has women over to work on all kinds of creative projects together…. art, painting rocks, you name it! She never stops being curious and I LOVE that about her.
So I would tell any woman to keep learning, creating, connecting, and staying curious about life. This will give you such a meaningful life, so rich and peaceful. You absolutely owe it to yourself.
LOVE HAS NO EXPIRATION DATE
If you’re in midlife and wondering whether you’re too old to fall in love, please don’t decide your story before it unfolds. You are not too old for companionship, marriage, romance, laughter, or a new beginning. Keep becoming the woman you want to be. Know what matters to you. Build a life you love. And then leave a little room for the unexpected.
SOMETIMES THE VERY BEST CHAPTERS BEGIN WHEN YOU AREN’T LOOKING FOR THEM!
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